My Dream - Glass House

 I really can't believe this will be my 4th blog, This is the most I have ever written other then on my facebook. I've been wanting to write it for weeks but i've been distracted lately. It's Mostly why my blogs are very few and far in between. I've been doing alot of learning, growing and changing, and I mean a huge change. I think I will write about it one of these time's but right now i'm only at the beginning. It's kind of scary but exciting at the same time, Something i've been working on and wanted to do more often, I'm not going to say yet lol, only that It's another way for me to help others. ♥ 

I also have been learning from last week is to think about myself while helping others since I have been getting sick more then I usually do. Which stops everything, then I get frustrated because I have to focus on myself, I don't like that lol. But I have to think of it as, that I want my journey to last for a long long time so I have to start behaving and taking better care of myself :)

Because of this I have slowed down a lot. Which has also made me start to think about what are my dreams, what are things that I need to work towards and what do I want to accomplish in life. It's amazing how much stuff come's to you when you finally start to pay attention to yourself. 

One that I want to share, is working at Seattle's Children's Hospital. I was thinking more with kids who have cancer, either a nurse or someone to spend time with them with games etc or anything  that I could help with. I really feel that is more of a calling for me. After my little Journey that I had a little while ago, it was a huge eye opener that it could be maybe something I could do, just to help the kids have a better day or someone that is there for them to talk too, too helping children cross over. One negative thing about it is, it will be a hard job. 

Which is weird how i'm thinking more into it, I have always wanted to work with sick children ever since I was in High School, I just never had a chance to chase it because of my illness. It's Something that I also have to remind myself about because a full time job would be extremely hard. I can have a few good days in a week but the rest I can barely get up out of bed because i'm weak, exhausted or sick, these days seem to be a little bit of a struggle. It's a little bit of alarming to me, Even though I pray every night to give me strength just so I can do the things I love, If it's from working in the hospital, working at a shelter, or to working with kids in homes. It reminds me of My Biggest Goal in life, it is so Beautiful, I've had it ever since I was in 2nd Grade. For me being a kid at the time to have a dream like this, to even think of something like this at the time amazes me and shows how big of a heart I had when I was young.

                                                                 

                                                                      ~My Dream~

Ever since I was born, I have been an extremely lucky girl to grow up in Montana, it is so Beautiful and a State everyone should visit. There are So many wide open spaces and breath taking scenery's, wild animals and barely a noise. It's a place where you can really find yourself within seconds just by spending time with yourself at one of these amazing spots we have. There is one spot that is my favorite, I go too it often when I just need a break or somewhere I can be alone to just think and really connect, ground and catch myself again.

There is also a huge creek/river that runs along this area and When the sun goes down, it leave's sparkle's in the water, It's basically Heaven on Earth.

Everytime I go there, It take's me into a whole different world, It's almost as if my Dream is already real when I close my eye's. What it is, is to build a Glass house and I want to adopt many Kids and many Handicapped Children  ♥  

Last year broke my heart into millions of pieces seeing so many children needing a home or someone to love them. I Broke down knowing that even parents would give up handicapped children because they weren't perfect or they were a burden to them. It brings me into tears just thinking of it.

Anyways The reason why I pick a glass house and this area in front of the hills, because when the sun come's up or starts to go down, it become's a beautiful place where Not even words can describe it. I also want to raise Miniature animals for the kids :)

♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  

This is my dream spot taken in front of the hills.

And These are the hills, where the sun is going down and lighting them up.

It's a huge dream that is very close to my heart

♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  

Before I end this, I just want to say, that If you have a dream, a Dream that may seem like it's too big to come true, Never ever give up on them. Always keep them alive in your heart because you never know if this Journey that we call life, will make it come true. 

It's exactly what I do ♥

The Christmas Angel

It's always around this time where I skip the mood of 2 holidays and start to think ahead. Which is not my fault at all lol We had our first snowfall yesterday, it reminds me of Christmas.

It is by far my favorite time of the year and the most beautiful season.  All the lights and people giving To Others, It make's my heart Sing.

This year Has hit me hard though, knowing that a Family won't have their 13 year old son to celebrate with. It Brings me into tears just thinking of it. I know this year I'll be putting another angel on my tree.
It reminds us to Always keep your loved one's and friends close, you never know if there will be a holiday that you won't be able to have with them ❤

Last year was amazing for me. It was just a week before Christmas, I was going through my Facebook Timeline and something caught my attention. Rarely does a Status Break my heart into pieces.
There was a mother of 4 very young kids in a struggle.

"all i truly want for christmsd is for my kids to be happy n have a few presents. and again i have failed them. we have so little n all they want r some toys"

It was the time that It was hard too hold back tears knowing that children were not going to be able to have a Christmas.

I felt her pain and understood it in many ways. My mum had the same problem. With an alcoholic and an abusive dad, we didn't have much at all, it was a struggle for food alone.
It is extremely sad that A lot of people can relate to this.
❤ We are Survivors ❤

Christmas is the most hardest time of the year for so many. Emotionally and Physically.
I'm a little different, i'm not able to have children of my own, I adopt many kids and Teens as if they were mine. When things come across my path, I always take it. Especially Holidays, Anything I can do to make someone's so much better, I will. 

When I was reading the mothers Status, I was going back and forth reading comments, I wanted to do more for her.
I sent her a message within seconds.

Hi Hi, Hey I was wondering....I want to adopt your boys for Christmas

From someone who has everything (me), To those who have Little.  
All I need is some ideas for them and their ages.

What I will do is send the gifts to your address, I'm not sure if they will be wrapped but, if you also need some, just let me know

I hope this made you smile cause that is what I wanted to do and make your day so much better.

 

Merry Christmas

Her response litteraly took me off guard. She began to tell me so many other stuff that took my breath away.
i want u to know that u r a great inspiration to me and a lot of ppl. u have been thru so much n u always have a pisitive out look n i wish that i could too.

Here she was crying in happiness but then made me cry also lol. I am so very sensitive around holidays, I pick up so many different emotions. From happiness to sadness. It's a roller coaster for me. No matter how much I try to block it out, I can't.

When I was reading down more of the message, She gave me a list of stuff the boys want and need.
Books, Race Cars, Race Tracks, Games, Clothes?
That moment it felt like the world had stopped, I went numb. I just stopped and put my head down for a moment. They were asking for just little things.

I was afraid that if I waited until I got to town, 24 miles away and then Sent them Across the US. The gifts would be late. So I went online and I shopped for the boys and for her. I couldn't stop at the things they wanted, I had to shop Enough to fill under their tree and more. I sent the store a message to wrap them and take the tags off for me cause I wouldn't be able too do it myself.

It was only 2 days afterwards I got another Email from the mom saying that the gifts had made it and That I was A Christmas Angel.

 On Christmas day I got pictures of the boys opening their gifts from Santa, they had huge beautiful smiles. I can feel their excitement just looking at them.

This is what life is truly about ❤ Helping those who are in need and I want those who are able to help out a family, Please do. It not only helps but also makes someone's holiday so much better. 

Have a fighting spirit and Never Hesitate to get back into the struggle :)

Here is a video that I did last year.

I thought it would be great for a second Blog.

I hope you enjoy it :)

No matter what happens to you, keep going because life is always always worth fighting for :)

Hi guys, My name is Bree.


I am full of Hope that I can take you into all different directions from serious, funny, Inspirational, deep thoughts to even Things that I have my fingers crossed of what I accomplish, or as my little wishes and Dreams start to happen. Through the years I have had so many friends and family tell me that I need to write a book about my life. I found this amazing blog site and thought it would be much easier for me too just to write it here. I have a hard time trying to focus so I hope this will help me. 
So far I love it.

I am a never ending book, and this is only just a small chapter into my life.  I tend to hide a lot and I need to be more open. Even though it so hard, I have a part of me that says it's unfair to keep what everyone has the right to know about me from inside. I know life can be hard, I know life can be unfair and if I can be an inspiration or someone to help with "No matter what happens, always keep going because life is always always worth fighting for" More softly knowing that " Hey I understand when things get hard" So here I start of where I should with the questions that I have had the most, I know there is a few people out there who don't know or scared to ask cause I have some visible and invisible things about me and It's ok, I would be too :)
 I'll just start here.
Before I start,
Please Please promise me you won't Feel bad for me, This is what Life is about ♥

This is Just a part of my story :)

I'm going to start off as a little girl. it's Where my little journey had started.
From the day I was born I ended up getting a nickname "Little Peanut" From the Doctor who delivered me just because I was very tiny. Let's just say I have worn that name very well, even though I am allergic to them lol. I am really sure the doctor put a curse on it, except for it a strange allergy where it come's and goes :)

It was around the age of 6 when everyone started to notice that I wasn't really the size where I should be, instead I was a size of a 2 year old. Instead of a diagnoses right away, the Doctor said "This girl just needs to eat". Well instead of Growing taller, I was growing outwards. I look at my photo's as a kid and It make's me laugh. I looked like a little Potato :D It's so cute.
The Teachers still tell me everytime they see me, how they would know it was me at the lunch counter, is all they would see is little hands waving above the counter so they didn't forget me. It make's me laugh everytime. I love that so much, It's a little memory that they can hold onto :)
I do remember I had to use many books underneath me just to be able too eat at the lunch table and they had to make a very small desk for me to be in class in. A few months ago, I seen it again. I was so surprised they still had it. 
One thing I have to admit is that I was so spoiled. I call it being lazy, the teachers would carry me to different classes just because they thought I was the cutest little thing ever :)

I did eventually had to be put on Growth Hormone Shots to Grow, the doctors found a tumor on my Pituitary Gland. It's ok though, it isn't Cancerous. I still have it.
 but, there's something more serious going on, that I'm going to go deeper into.

It was around 8th grade is where my Life started to Change little by little And so far there has been a lot of eye openers. I didn't really have a choice but to look at life a little differently from there. 

It is a really hard subject but way more harder for the one's who love me and who accepts me into their life. I'm ok going through it, but i'm not ok that it's hurting the one's who love me.

It was a beautiful Sunday, My day started out good, just like a regular day. I was very lucky girl that an EMT was right there when I needed help. It was the day I had my first Seizure, I don't remember the first ambulance ride but I do remember being put into another Ambulance for them to transfer me 120 miles away to another hospital where I spent so many days just sleeping. The seizure had worn me out, but it was going to be ok, well...I thought it was.

When I was finally alert and fully awake the doctor came in to talk to me, what caught me off guard is his face, I knew whatever it was, it wasn't good.  At that time I had no idea what they were.
I didn't understand fully, so I went on like they were nothing because the doctor told me that they were little but they would do a check up every 6 months to see if there were any changes. Their called Cerebral Cavernous Malformation and Arteriovenous Malformation. 
It's a really heavy illness. They are Aneurysms that grow and spread throughout my Brain or at least we thought it would only stay in that area.
After I was released to go home, It was around that time when My Seizure's were happening more and more. We went through many different meds to try to figure a way to stop them or at least try to slow them.

In school, I didn't feel the need to explain to anyone what was going on and I tried too hide it the best I could. I had so many aweful, hurtful words towards me cause I would be fine and then next thing I was having a seizure. But they didn't really understand what It's like being trapped in a body that I couldn't control.

It was around August 9th, is when my illness started to show itself. The night before it was just like any normal afternoons hanging out with my friends not knowing that soon I was going to have a totally different life.

When I woke up the next morning, it's the day that my life would change forever. 
I didn't have any pain at all, the only thing that was different was that my legs weren't moving. At that time the only thought that came to me was that they were asleep so I didn't think of it and so I took another nap for a few hours.
 It was 2 hours later when I woke up again and then it hit me that something was really wrong because my legs still weren't moving and I couldn't feel them, It was hard to even sit up.

When I got to the hospital, they rushed me in to do a quick MRI scan on my spine to see what was going on, all I could think of was that maybe I messed up my back somehow and that everything will be fine, I was looking forward with a positive side of going back home.
I Just barely got out of the machine and they had a Mercy flight Jet coming to take me from Montana to Seattle hospital. They couldn't wait for a helicopter because I was in critical condition. All I remember is being loaded up into the Ambulance again to take me to the Jet.

Before I reached the Trauma Center, Harborview hospital. They had put me into a kind of a Coma where I slept for 2 weeks. I didn't even know that I was in CICU, (Critical Intensive Care Unit), it's a step up from ICU, where the worst patients go.
I do remember When The doctor started to let me wake up, he was sitting by my bed talking to me. I could tell there was something wrong, cause he had the same look on his face like the doctor I had in 8th grade.
While he was talking, The words were becoming a blur when He started to say that he was Sorry, because I had an aneurysm burst on my spine which did massive damage, I was now a T6 Paraplegic, meaning I have no feeling or movement from the chest down. It was the worst feeling I have ever had. I just kind of went numb for a few days after he told me that I will never be able to walk again.
I never did cry, I came close a few time's.
But 
To be honest what kept me strong is the patients. I had a nickname from them "The beautiful smiley girl in the yellow wheelchair" lol

I didn't stay strong for me, I stayed strong for the other patients who were on the same floor with me. I knew that they were in the same shape as me and I couldn't help but to bring a little sunshine into their life to help them cope a little better :)

Because of that,
I had made a ton of friends. There were patients that I didn't know who they were but they knew my name. 

While I was there for another 2 weeks, I never did bring up anything to them about myself, even though everyone on that floor knew something was wrong because I was always being taken down to the MRI machines. It's where I found out that my Little Aneurysms on my brain, had turned into multiple and grown into a grape size. A lot more then the last time I had a check up, it's also where they had found out that I have one in my C2 Spine, which can paralyze me from the neck down whenever it wants too.

I know one thing for sure is If it does, I will be ok. My arms or legs don't make me who I am, The only thing that I ever need is my heart, a heart full of nothing but love. That is what make's me who I am ♥

On the very last day in the hospital, seeing the patients with tears in their eye's because I was leaving really broke my heart, but I couldn't help to make them laugh just one more time so they felt a little better.
The whole time in the hospital, what they didn't know is that they were the one's that helped me get through a really rough spot in my life :)

On the Train ride home, I was in a deep thought most of the time, not saying much and keeping to myself. I knew that I was going back to a town where I would be a different Bree then everyone has known. I was worried about my friends, who hadn't seen me for a month because I was states away, I knew that it would hit them hard and it did.
That night I went to the football game to watch my buddy's. It was so hard seeing my big tough friends tear up after the game visiting with me.

For those that know me, Knows that I will always find a way to help other's feel comfortable and even throw out some joke's to make others laugh and feel a little bit better. To this day, my buddy's and I will go back and forth making each other laugh. For example If I get stuck in the mud or snow, "Where did I put my chains for my wheels at?" or to even "Watch this" as I fly down the ramp and hit the bottom where there's ice just to slide. 

Going through the years wasn't bad at all. I started to become really good with the chair, at time's I scare myself. I still got that little Daredevil side of me :)

~Where I am at today~
I'm pretty sure a lot who read this, know that I always say
"Life is too short"
And when I say this, it's cause I know.

I have been told that there is nothing that they can do about the Aneurysms on my brain. The last MRI they did after having 2 strokes, it didn't look very good. They still offer to have Scans done but only to tell me for time limits.

I have chosen not too because I want to stay positive.
It was my decision and the doctors fully understand.
Nobody wants to know when it will be their time.

Being so young, I still want to go on just like nothing is wrong, even though I am reminded every morning when I get into my chair.
I always say that i'm going to live for a long long time until i'm 160 years old :) I have dreams, wishes and things left that I want to accomplish, seeing the ocean and to help as many people as much as I can. It's what my heart is about, I don't do it to make myself feel better, I do it for them. I've done a lot so far, I became a Storm Chaser, which is something I wanted too do since I was little and Another thing I can do too help others. And i'm a recording artist. I have CD's out there. My music has been played on TV and Radio. I've been on a cover of a magazine and so much other things including a Model.

I have so many people tell me that i'm their inspiration, But what everyone doesn't know is that you are my inspiration for staying with me through this. I have met so many amazing friends/family that I love and hold close to my heart. One's I've known my whole life or met through twitter, facebook, Younow. Even the one's that I just met yesterday or the day before, months ago or even seconds ago, You are my family, always will be. I'm not the only one that is going through all of this, they are too. It take's someone so strong to stay in someone's life that is sick and when you never know when it will be time. And I thank you for that. Thank you for being my family.


♥ 

My illness will never get better but only worse. There is no cure. I am Now Terminal, meaning it can be any day. I am someone who live's Minute by Minute ♥ I cherish every second I have. 

Once in awhile I do get scared.


Especially at night before I go too sleep. If i'm not feeling too  

well Sometime's i'll go a few days because I'm afraid I won't 

wake up the next day. It's a feeling that Nobody should  

ever  have  to go through. 


But Most of the nights I do accept it. 

♥  

There has been time's that I have been stubborn, going from doctor to doctor, to find one that could save me.
I was turned down all treatments, Radiation, Surgery, Even Gamma Knife.
My records have went all the way across the US and even over seas. I still have days that I do go into these desperate times where I start thinking that there has to be something that can be done, even though there isn't ♥ 

And My little body is having a really hard time. I call them my little monsters. No matter how much I keep pushing back, they push back harder. 
The last few months have been an eye opener to me, where eating has become difficult for me and they found out that my brain bleeds is now putting pressure on an area that is causing me to have heart problems too, and same thing there's nothing they can do. 
Lately I'm finding it easier to just accept it, because I know when it's time for me to go home or wherever we go after were done here, everything will be ok and the pain that I have, I won't have anymore cause I'll be dancing in the milkyway in the stars and northern lights. That's where i'll be ♥

I've always tried to be a strong girl, My whole life I have been fighting one of the hardest battle's life could give you, and that's to fight too keep living ♥ 

♥♥

I just recently had a doctor appointment, just to meet the new doctor so that way I can still get meds for my Seizure's. She is a sweetheart, I felt really bad for her though. When she looked through my medical records, she shut them and just sat there quietly for a few seconds. It was the look that doctors give you when they are telling you for the first time of bad news. I couldn't help but to smile at her and tell her that it's ok, I already know. Then we went through if I had a Neurologist or a Neurosurgeon. Which I don't because they have even turned me down also saying that there wasn't anything they could do. I will never forget her saying "Well that's the kind of news you don't want to hear". lol I couldn't help but to laugh which it made her too. It relaxed her a little bit which is what I wanted. She told me that I have an amazing positive attitude as she would cry all the time.
I like her honesty, same with the doctor that I had before her who talked about death. Not alot of them are strong enough to do that and I look up to them for that, as I do with so many others ♥ 

One thing that I am thankful for is that they will keep me comfortable as much as they can ♥ 

Even though everything is pointing out that there is no chance, 
I still have that little hope in me ♥

I was born as a fighter and I'm going to keep fighting until I can't anymore.

It Brings me back to the Title of this Blog Post. ♥ No matter what happens to you, keep going because life is always always worth fighting for :) ♥